The only useful thing I have to say about racism.

 

don't shoot

Jesus in the garden
prayed. Begged
for his life.
Because we cannot take back our cruelty, we make him king.
Hold him up.
Hold up the shreds of his garments.
We feel so stupid now.

We didn’t know he was God
until we saw him bleed.
And now we make each other bleed.
We say, you are not god.
That is not god lying dead in the street.
That was not god begging for his life.
How do you know?

How do you know he won’t
come back with black skin
wearing a hoodie or just,
you know, walking through
your neighborhood on a
beautiful day?
How do you know three days from now you won’t
remember his face?

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i am in love with my skeleton

wpid-sketch7122109.pngi am in love with my skeleton
my ribs when i can feel them
hard under the skin.

i am in love with my skeleton
all these finite bones
a clattering of dust
on its way to the bin.

i am in love with my skeleton
the femur like a bat
a weapon clothed in flesh.

i am in love with my skeleton
in motion and at rest
heavy in the bed.

i am in love with my skeleton
the ball and socket joints
the hinges and the fusion
of young bones grown old.

i am in love with my skeleton
hollow with breath
the pelvic bowl cradling
this primordial ache.

i am in love with my skeleton
when a hand (mine or yours)
rests on my ribs and paces
searchingly to the hip and back again.

i am in love with my skeleton
smooth and bare as can be
a hundred years from now
dry and sun bleached.

i am in love with my skeleton
this clanky home rattling along
and creaking up the stairs.

I am in love with my skeleton
even when the pain is great
even with the sharpness
of death that starts on the inside.

i am in love with my skeleton
this blank-faced doll
when she is put to rest
by the sweet child god
whose playtime has ended.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m digging up a bunch of old poems, including an entire collection I wrote about two years ago and re-thinking how to present them for sharing. Brace yourself for random poetry attacks.

I also want to redesign this site, but I’m lazy as fuck when it comes to web design, so I make no promises.

When you are quiet, you are the source of peace.

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I believe we are genetically programmed to want enlightenment.

We are bliss-seeking creatures, and we’ve heard good things about nirvana.

The absence of suffering and confusion.

Absolute clarity.

But clarity sorta sucks. Sometimes it brings the suffering of others into excruciating focus. You’re hit with a barrage of emotions, and then clarity is gone.

You have to learn to be still amid the chaos, to avoid stirring up all the shit, to look life in the eye and say, “okay,” and let go.

So that’s why I meditate.

Because I am a shameless spiritual junkie. Because someone said life is suffering, and I’m the kid trying to prove them wrong. Because I know if I am still, right here and now, I can find quiet. Because I just got back from a week-long visit with my family, and I didn’t fight with my dad or anything! Because I was looking for truth and someone said, “inquire within,” and it’s by far the most useful piece of advice I’ve ever been given.

In just a few days, I’m offering my first Introduction to Meditation workshop at Shakti Studio in Arnold, MD, and I would love beyond words to have you there.

Here’s how you register:

Go to this link. You will probably be prompted to create an account. Do that, and then you’ll see the class schedule, etc. Click the “Workshops” tab at the top of the page, and you’ll see several workshop descriptions including the “Introduction to Meditation.” Click the blue button that says, “Sign up now!” Follow the instructions from there.

Also, join the Facebook event for the workshop so we can get in touch. There, you can ask me questions if needed or get in touch with other workshop participants.

If you have any trouble signing up, please send me a note or just show up early so we can get you all squared away.

xoxo

Meditation Workshop: Dec. 7, 2014

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Did you know I’m teaching a meditation workshop this December? If you know me at all, you know meditation is dear to my heart. It has been the single most powerful tool I have found for coping with depression, anxiety, and the countless stresses of modern life. Not only that, but it’s a way to know yourself, to cultivate a deeper awareness and understanding of yourself, and to develop compassion. Meditation will not change the circumstances of your life, but it may just give you the presence of mind to change them yourself.

So here’s the plan: We hang out for two hours, have some tea and chat a little bit. We’ll try out a variety of meditation techniques and talk about why each one works. You’ll journal about it a little bit, share your experiences if you want, and figure out what style of meditation works for you. Then, you’ll go home and go on with your life, but you’ll add a few minutes of meditation every day (or as often as you can) and try to pay attention to how this little ritual changes your state of mind.

With practice, I predict you’ll notice yourself making better decisions. You will feel a subtle sense of being more alert, more present, more able to be in the moment. You’ll have your meditation journal for keeping notes if you find that helpful. At the end of our time together, you will have a few new tools in your kit that will help you deepen your yoga practice, calm your mind, and lift your spirits. Space in this workshop is limited, so register online or at the studio to reserve your spot! Join the Facebook event to connect with other participants, plan a carpool or ask any questions you may have.

Let There Be Full Spectrum Light

wpid-img_20141106_142621.jpgI’ve written a lot lately about depression (especially of the seasonal variety), and I finally decided to buy a Happy Light (by Verilux) after my doctor and a few friends had suggested it to me for literally years. Other friends have asked for feedback on the lamps because apparently I’m not the only one who gets down during these shorter days, so here’s a little roundup of how it’s going.

So! I got a lamp to go on my desk as well as some light bulbs to go in the lamps in our living room. The lamp is called the “Happy Light,” and we found it on Amazon. I chose the Verilux brand because my doctor suggested it and I know a few people who’ve used their lamps before.

Here’s the important info. The lamp’s instruction booklet suggests a minimum daily use of 30-60 minutes. I typically turn it on while I’m writing and probably get significantly more exposure than that. I looked up side effects from exposure to the lamp, but they’re all really minor, so I’m not worried about that. The instructions also say to place the lamp 6-24 inches from your face, so you’re sitting pretty close to it while you work. Some people might find this distracting, but I find it nice because the lamp is warm and there’s always a bit of a cool draft at this time of year. The kitten also likes it, and everyone loves working with a sleeping kitten near by.

As for the light bulbs, they’re more for ambient lighting, so it’s hard to say if they’re particularly effective for seasonal depression. However, my husband (who works from home) often sets up his “office” in the living room near one of these lamps, and I’ve noticed him seeming a little more upbeat and lighthearted lately as well. Don’t tell him I said that because he kinda likes his gruff guy image, but frankly he’s been adorably chipper lately. Granted, that could be the light boosting his mood or it could be me projecting. Le Husband would like to point out that the light is very white and very bright, so if you’re used to warm lighting, this will take a bit of adjustment.

After the first day or two of using the lamp and bulbs, I felt a little bit lighter and brighter but also still a little down. Now that it’s been over a week, I can say definitively that I feel better, and I’m pretty darn sure it has to do with the lamp. However, I’ve also made one other change worth noting: I *finally* joined a gym. As a result, I’ve worked out 4 of the past 6 days (derby practice Monday, basic cardio Wednesday, strength class Thursday and back to cardio Friday). For comparison’s sake, I normally get between 6 and 12 hours of physical activity per week between skating and teaching yoga, but working out on my own time is a little different. Still, we all know exercise has a positive influence when you’re feeling down, and I think the combination of the light and exercise has been really great for me. And let’s not forget that I also take a pretty big dose of vitamin D every day, so if you’re not prepared to invest in the lights, start with taking a multivitamin and a D supplement. I’m told that the body is better at processing the vitamin D it produces (i.e. when stimulated by full spectrum light) than a supplement, so if the supplement doesn’t seem to do enough for you, definitely look into the lights.

I really hope some folks find this helpful, and I’d love to hear about other people’s experiences with full spectrum lamps.

And that’s all I have to say about that. Peace.