MissDirt’s Unofficial Guide to Being Awesome

Since When Are Manners Sufficient Contribution to Conversation?

This is a response to the Goldman Sachs Unofficial Guide, which some folks seem to have mistaken for actual life advice.

  1. Shower, bathe, brush your teeth. Just do it. 
  2. Mind your Ps and Qs. Say please and thank you, etc.
  3. Listen to public radio.
  4. Read the instructions. Ask for directions.
  5. Do not apologize for your opinions, feelings or beliefs, but do be open to changing them when presented with good reason.
  6. Learn to disagree without having to “win” every conversation. People will be more willing to discuss interesting ideas with you if they’re not afraid of being shouted down.
  7. Smile and say hello when you see someone you’d like to talk to. If they don’t respond, leave them alone.
  8. Relax your face. Soften your jaw. Un-furrow your eyebrows.
  9. Smile.
  10. Put away your phone.
  11. Acknowledge when you’ve been wrong.
  12. Don’t waste time on revenge — it only deepens your own wounds.
  13. Expensive clothes aren’t important. Just take care of whatever you’ve got.
  14. Wear things that make you feel good.
  15. If someone tells you you’re too drunk, they’re probably right.
  16. If someone decides they don’t like you, don’t argue with them. You won’t win.
  17. Read at least one Jane Austen novel in your life.
  18. Never gossip.
  19. Skinny is not a compliment. Fat is not an insult.
  20. When someone speaks to you, give them your full attention.
  21. Wear comfortable shoes.
  22. Don’t wear clothing that’s too tight to eat a meal in.
  23. Cake is a gift from the gods. Eat it with joyful reverence.
  24. Learn to love your veggies.
  25. Split the chores with your roomie or significant other, but don’t make a huge deal if they miss a day.
  26. If you have to check around the room before telling a joke, it’s not funny.
  27. Respecting others never makes you look like an asshole.
  28. Use your blinkers.
  29. Learn to throw a punch, but avoid having to fight.
  30. Travel overseas at least once.
  31. Stop seeing others as competition. Befriend them and learn from them.
  32. Make dates with your friends.
  33. Do the fucking laundry.
  34. Have a hobby.
  35. Do not buy supplies for a new project before finishing the last one.
  36. Having children does not earn you any special privileges.
  37. Meditate.
  38. Go outside at least once every day.
  39. Try new foods and music whenever you get a chance.
  40. Do not blindly follow advice from strangers on the internet.
  41. Indulge in strange thoughts. They make you more interesting.
  42. Ask for help in times of turmoil.
  43. Never assume you understand someone else’s struggle. Just listen and show that you care.
  44. Masturbate. It’s not a sin.
  45. If there is a God, it wants you to be happy.
  46. Be nice to animals.
  47. Figure out your personal ethics, and stick by them.
  48. Don’t lie. It makes you ugly.
  49. Properly used curse words are fucking brilliant.
  50. Conflict is sometimes a sign of growth.
  51. If you’re fighting, make damn sure you know why.
  52. Tell people you love them.
  53. Make your home a place where friends feel welcome.
  54. Your parents are just human.
  55. Go to the beach sometimes. Even a bad one.
  56. Tip generously when you can.
  57. Try things you might fail at. Do it for the adventure.
  58. Make friends with people who are different from you. They have things to teach you.
Yoga Sutra 1.3: The Unchanging Self
Saturday Special: Be the Change

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